THIRTEEN WAYS TO KILL LULABELLE ROCK by Maud Woolf – Review

I received this book for free from the Publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

THIRTEEN WAYS TO KILL LULABELLE ROCK by Maud Woolf – ReviewThirteen Ways to Kill Lulabelle Rock by Maud Woolf
Published by Angry Robot on January 9 2024
Genres: Adult, Science fiction, Thriller
Pages: 240
Format: ARC
Source: Publisher
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four-half-stars

The nitty-gritty: A well-written debut with a loveable main character, Thirteen Ways To Kill Lulabelle Rock is a fresh, funny and feel-good story.

“At the end of all this, there’s going to be one Lulabelle left. Who do you want it to be?”

What happens when a famous actress tells her thirteenth clone to kill her twelve other clones? You have a smart, funny, shocking and surprisingly heartwarming story about identity, making choices and being yourself, all wrapped up in a strange, futuristic world. This is a very well written debut, and I’m so glad I’ve been introduced to Maud Woolf, because she’s got a bright future ahead of her.

Lulabelle Rock is the thirteenth Portrait made from the actress Lulabelle Rock, and as soon as she wakes up, she’s given some very specific instructions. Portraits are clones, usually of famous people who are just too busy to do everything, so they create Portraits of themselves to handle menial tasks like going to parties, handling their social media presence, or being fitted for the latest fashions. Lulabelle’s job is to track down and kill the twelve Portraits who came before her, all of whom are somewhere in Bubble City. Lulabelle (the real one) has a new movie coming out, and unfortunately, it’s getting terrible reviews. Perhaps the distraction of a bunch of murders will command everyone’s attention and maybe even create buzz for the movie? At least that’s what Lulabelle hopes will happen.

And so Lulabelle sets out on her mission, with a binder full of names and locations—and a gun. Along the way she meets some people who help her out, a few who want to try to control her, and more than one Portrait who will try to kill Lulabelle first. Throughout her short adventure, Lulabelle will change, grow and maybe even become more than just a Portrait by the end of her journey.

Despite the subject matter, Thirteen Ways to Kill Lulabelle Rock is full of humor and warmth, and Woolf’s cinematic writing style makes for a fast-paced, snappy story. The story is told from Portrait #13 Lulabelle’s first person point of view, and her voice is one of the things that makes this book so special. Lulabelle is a clone who is given one job only, and at first she sticks to the plan. She’s almost like a newborn and doesn’t have any worldly experience, except she does have the original Lulabelle’s memories buried inside her head. For some reason she reminded me of Barbie (from the movie): she knows her job and is determined to carry it out no matter what. But outside influences start to change Lulabelle in subtle but profound ways, and I absolutely loved the person she became by the end of the story.

One of the first people she meets is a man on the side of the road who asks for a lift to Bubble City. Lulabelle happily agrees to help him out, and she begins to think of him as “the hitchhiker.” The hitchhiker is studying magic and gives Lulabelle a deck of tarot cards, which correspond with Woolf’s chapter titles (“The Empress,” “The Hierophant,” etc.), and I loved how each one relates to a character or a Portrait in that chapter. Lulabelle herself represents one of the major arcana cards, can you guess which one?

At first Lulabelle decides to confront each Portrait based on the order they’re listed in her binder. But at some point the order gets mixed up, and that’s when things start to go wrong. You might think a story about a girl killing twelve copies of herself might get tedious, but trust me, it’s anything but. Lulabelle easily dispatches the first couple of Portraits, but things spiral out of control quickly after that. I laughed and cringed as she made her way through Bubble City, trying her best to fulfill her purpose but not counting on unpredictable events to throw her off course. And then she meets a Portrait she doesn’t want to kill at all, and she has to figure out what to do about those feelings.

As for the killings themselves, I loved the way Woolf made the whole sordid business so blasé. To Lulabelle, shooting the other Portraits is simply her job. She doesn’t feel emotion or remorse at all. And the other Portraits immediately realize why she’s there. They have a “Oh, you’re here to kill me? Can I just finish this cup of coffee first?” mentality that was both shocking and hilarious. Still, the casual brutality of the killings surprised me, and not all of them happen the way you might expect. 

By the end of the story, Lulabelle discovers a sinister plot involving Lulabelle and one of her Portraits, and she must make some tough decisions about her own future. Will Lulabelle get a happily ever after? Or will she end up dead herself? After meeting many wise people along her journey, Lulabelle has begun to imagine a world where she gets to choose her own future, and it won’t be easy to give that up. 

If I had to compare this book to anything, I would say it reminds me of the humor and weirdness of Glitterati by Oliver K. Langmead and August Kitko and the Mechas From Space by Alex White, two thoroughly enjoyable books. Maud Woolf has ensured a place on my highly selective “auto buy” list, and I can’t wait to see what she does next.

Big thanks to the publisher for providing a review copy. Above quote was taken from an uncorrected proof and may differ in the final version of the book.

Posted January 11, 2024 by Tammy in 4 1/2 stars, Reviews / 35 Comments

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35 responses to “THIRTEEN WAYS TO KILL LULABELLE ROCK by Maud Woolf – Review

  1. Great review, Tammy! You instantly intrigued me with “What happens when a famous actress tells her thirteenth clone to kill her twelve other clones?” That’s a banger of a sentence to describe this story. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Your review was a real pleasure to read! And I am so glad to see you enjoyed it so much. I was hoping to read it soon but your review pushed it at the top (or, anyway, near the top) and now I am even more excited to get it started!

  3. This brought back memories of the movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton and Andie MacDowell, though I don’t recall those trying to kill each other. 🙂

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